letters from rita

100 Days of Back to Me

- Stephanie 1 Comment

I saw that a few people I follow on Instagram joined maker Elise Joy‘s 100 day challenge and when I checked it out, I liked it. The challenge is to do something everyday for 100 days. It’s open-ended; everyone picks their own project or idea. It can be creative, health-based, things you’ve been meaning to do, learning something new, ect. I love a good challenge, so I thought about it for a few days and figured out what I needed.

100 days of back to me.

“Where did you go that you now have to get back?”

I became a mom. And I was not expecting or prepared for the loss+confusion of my well-established personal identity pretty soon after my baby was born. I was an artist. A business owner. An athlete. I was a spontaneous. Adventurous. I loved the woods. The water. The outdoors. I was, overall, pretty happy.

“But you can still be/do all those things, even with a kid.”

That’s what I thought, too. But it hasn’t been that easy for me. Being a mom is the most unnatural role I’ve ever been in. The most awkward identity transition. My biggest learning curve ever. Being so deep in all that unknown (and struggling with postpartum depression) has made it pretty much impossible for me to be and do the things I AM good at. The things that make me ME. I don’t even know me anymore. 6+ months is a long time to not know who you are.

I love and know my kid. But I really need to love and know me again. Lately, thankfully, my head is above water (on most days) and we have a way more doable (dare I say enjoyable?) daily schedule. So when I saw the idea for this 100 day challenge, I thought, why not now?

The challenge: Intentionally choose to do one thing a day that helps me get back to feeling like myself.

The days: 100 of them! I started on April 1st, so that means this will go through July 10th.

The end goal: By day 100, I’m hoping that all the little, daily things I chose to do will have accumulated into knowing and feeling like myself again.

The things:
– Time with nature (woods, kayaking, hiking, sunshine, taking care of my plants)
– Big ideas (for my business, for my life, planning a trip, planning for the future, ect)
– Big creativity (specifically with painting, but will add embroidery and photography in here, too)
– Moving my body regularly (walking, running, lifting, swimming)
– Home cooked meals (I miss being creative in the kitchen)
– Adventuring (seeing new places, trying new food, exploring new trails)

(It sounds like a lot altogether, but it’s only one thing a day.)

Some days I’ve already planned out, and some days the only plan is to let life help me figure it out. A lot of the first days of this challenge have been about getting outside. I think that’s what my heart was really missing the most and I’m so thankful for spring sunshine.

I shared the challenge with my close friends and a few of them have hopped on board with their own ideas. One is cooking through a few specific cookbooks. One is going on 100 walks. One hasn’t decided yet, but plans to join us in May! I’m glad to have them to stay accountable with.

I haven’t decided how much to share about each day of the challenge. I guess I might share the occasional photo on Instagram stories and will probably do a recap here? We’ll see. Anyways, thanks for reading, and let me know if you start your own 100 day challenge.

Slightly Random but Super Helpful Baby Products

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YALL. This ain’t a mommy blog, promise. But I need to share about a random assortment of baby gear that I had NO IDEA would become some of our most-used items during for these first 6 months of parenthood. I say random because they aren’t your usual “must have” baby gear items that people/blogs/the internet might tell you about. I didn’t read about many of these things while I was putting together a registry. But somehow, and thankfully, we acquired them (aka: I refused to put anything more than basics on my registry, but our seasoned parent friends + fam saw right through that and gave us the good stuff.)

Things that I’m not sure I could do parenthood without:

  • A vertical bottle dryer rack – VERTICAL is the important part. We have limited counter space, so the small footprint is super helpful while still getting the drying job done. I didn’t realize how much we would use this!
  • Bottom-up zip jammies – (forever) – I don’t know if I’m explaining this right… The ones that zip up from the foot! Making diaper changes 100% easier since whenever they were invented.
  • Velcro Swaddles – (1 – 4 months) – There are a few brands out there, we used the SwaddleMe ones. Julien was a tiny ninja and would never stay in a normal swaddle and hated the zip swaddles. These velcro ones helped us all get (a little bit) more sleep 🙂
  • Textured teething toys – (starting at 3 months) – We have the Itzy Ritzy brand pineapple and cactus, and these things go eveeeeerywhere with us. And get chewed constantly. Julien started teething just before 4 months, but didn’t have a visible tooth until the day he turned 6 months old. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s too early to stock up on the teething toys!
  • Portable bottle cooler – We have the SkipHop one, and it fits like 3 bottles, plus a small ice pack. I couldn’t travel without this!
  • A backpack diaper bag!! – At first I had a stylish, cute, over the shoulder diaper bag, but it was more annoying than helpful. I switched to a backpack diaper bag and it is SO much easier. Definitely a must-have if you are out and about a lot. (or if you would rather carry a coffee than a diaper bag in your free hand 😉 )

Things that aren’t must-haves, but definitely useful TO have:

  • A small car seat blanket – Easy to grab, and small enough that it doesn’t drag on the ground or get caught in the carseat crevices. The size also makes it easy to tuck in around baby! The 3 we have are all handmade. They range from 10×10 to 16×16 inches, and all are made from different material – fleece, flannel, & knit . PRO TIP: If a grandma or best friend offers to make a blanket, say yes and mention needing a small one!
  • A musical stuffed animal toy – (1-3 months) – Someone got us the freaking most annoying octopus plush toy that plays high pitched classical tunes and recites colors. It’s so annoying. But it’s the ONLY thing that would catch and keep Julien’s attention during those early weeks of tummy time. He’d scream, we’d push play on this toy, and he’d stop crying. For like 5 minutes. But in the early days, 5 minutes at a time is all you need.
  • Doorway jumper – (starting at 4 months) – Julien goes NUTS in this. OMG it’s the funniest thing. We put him in this while we eat dinner, and just laugh at how serious and dedicated our baby is at jumping as hard as he possibly can. Also great for tiring him out before bedtime 😉
  • Very small stuffed animal that Baby can fit in one hand – (4 -6 months) – Again, someone got us this toy and I’m so glad. It’s a yellow elephant, probably only 6 inches, that has become my go-to to give him in when we’re in the car or visiting places. It keeps him entertained with no noise, and small enough to pack easily into the diaper bag.
  • Keep your pregnancy pillow! – You can use the c-shaped ones to make a little cozy ring for when you teach your baby how to sit up. Curl it up like a cocoon and plop him right in the middle. Supervise always, obviously.
Image By Amy Emily Photography

Let me know if you have any questions or additional slightly random gear advice for all the new moms out there! -s

Beginning Embroidery

- Stephanie Leave a comment

Let’s talk EMBROIDERY. It’s currently my main creative outlet, but only since last September. I tried this hobby on a whim, just before Julien was born. I had watched a couple Instagram tutorials and thought it looked cool, and that’s honestly how I decided to start haha! So I went to Joanne’s and got a few basic supplies, just to try it out.

Super beginner embroidery supply list:
– Hoop – size of your choice (~$2)
– scrap fabric (cheapest option) or small cut of fabric ($2-4)
– pack of embroidery needles ($1.50)
– 3-4 few colors of embroidery thread ($.60 each)

I’m not joking when I say that, to learn this skill, I watched upwards of 100 Instagram and YouTube tutorials. (The internet can be helpful sometimes 😉 ) Eventually, after lots of finger pokes and knotted threads and more tutorials, I felt like I had a decent hang of the craft. It definitely takes practice. And patience!! For real, don’t be discouraged, you will develop the muscle memory and get better the longer you practice!

Until I started embroidery, my art had exclusively been 2d (graphic design, lettering, painting, photography). But thanks this new adventure, the idea of 3d art, specifically textiles, has become really fascinating to me. I am actually looking into learning about the loom! What I’m loving the most about embroidery is all the textures that the layered, crossed & knotted thread makes.

I wanted to share more specifics about one project. The photos above are of my jean jacket! It was hard for me to make progress on this jacket at first, because I was scared that I would mess it up. It was the first embroidery project that I couldn’t scrap if I didn’t like it. Plus it’s my jean jacket, so I was worried if I didn’t completely love the design that I would never actually wear it. Thankfully I just went with the flow and now, the more I work on it, the more I love it! It’s slightly inspired by Santa Fe colors and style and I’m hoping to have it done soon, so I can wear it during the spring season.

Is there anything you want to know about embroidery? I’m not an expert, but I have a few tips and tricks if you need them! Let me know in the comments.

PRO TIP: If the thought of coming up with your own designs is what is keeping you from trying embroidery, find a KIT!! Search Etsy for embroidery kits, pick a design you like, and you will be sent everything you need to make that design. It’s not the least expensive way to jump into embroidery, BUT it’s convenient and will give you a good starting point.

This is (not) good (yet).

- Stephanie Leave a comment

I know… deep down in my heart somewhere… I know this is good. This, being motherhood. Being a mom. Taking care of a person forever. It’s good. It has to be good. I was made for this. That’s what they all keep telling me.

But every day is a constant barrage of thoughts that make me feel heavy. I can’t stop crying. Or overthinking. I am a constant spiral of crying and overthinking. Thoughts like, you’ve never felt worse. There is a better way. You should be so happy. Why aren’t you happy. You should be doing all of this better. Look at that list of things you need to do. You aren’t good at this. You should leave. This should be easier by now. It’s your fault it isn’t getting better. You should be more honest with people. No one is going to believe you.

I can’t remember the last time I felt good. Happy.

I am stuck in a tunnel with no light at the end.

I don’t know the answers to any questions. Simple questions. Why is he crying. What is for dinner. What is your schedule like tomorrow. Why haven’t you been to church in so long. Can we come over to visit.

I have no answers. And no energy to find them.

I am a mess to be around. That is, if I’ve let you be around me.

I feel people’s judgement of me not being out there in the world. I feel their disappointment when I cancel plans or say no for the 100th time.

I am crying writing this.

Motherhood is good.

I keep telling myself that.

It has to come true someday.

What’s in a week

- Stephanie Leave a comment
  • My Mom came to visit on a snowy day and we took sweet photos with Julien. He was in his tiny bear snowsuit and it was the cutest ever. The funniest part was that he loved when the snowflakes landed on his cheeks 🙂
  • Nate and I started + finished watching the Umbrella Academy on Netflix. I was hooked from the first episode. (I blogged a little about it in my last post.) Anyone else watch it yet? It ended a little darker than I expected, but overall I liked the entire story. Though I do still have a lot of questions! That hopefully will be answered in a second season? Cross ya fingers.
  • I have to come clean. #NoSpendFeb isn’t going as well as I wanted it. I did really well the first two weeks, but last week I kind of chose to forget about it. I made some not totally necessary Amazon purchases, and got coffee a few times to many. So I gotta reign it in for this last week of February.
  • There were lots of new music drops last week! Judah and the Lion released “Pictures” that features Kacey Musgraves. It is beautiful, but sad and really real. Sara Barielles dropped “Fire”, James Bay dropped “Peer Pressure” featuring Julia Michaels and Pentatonix’s cover of Simon & Garfunkle’s Sound of Silence is pretty dang epic.
  • My friend Amy came over to take photos of Julien and I in our normal everyday. Playing and rocking and cuddling (and fussing 😉 ). I can’t wait to see those photos and can’t thank Amy enough!

Thanks for reading and stay cozy today.